F*ck New Year's Resolutions. How you can change your life instead.
Why it's worth to use the F Word in this title. About the Arrival Fallacy, how motivation works and how to succesfully change your life. Monday Morning thoughts on Wim Hoff, the pathless path, ...
Happy New Year! Wishing you the best for 2023. But also…
F*ck New Year’s Resolutions.
Yes, it was totally worth it using the F word here. Next to it being great clickbait, there’s so much wrong with the traditional New Year’s Resolutions.
🤦♂️ What’s the problem with New Year’s resolutions
We often set goals that are not realistic, leading to fast failure. It hits our ego and we believe it wasn’t meant to be. We now confirmed to ourselves that we will stay a smoker forever, stay fat forever, or won’t ever play the cello. But there’s more that goes wrong here. These are 3 problems with New Year’s resolutions:
⚰ The Arrival Fallacy
The Arrival Fallacy is the illusion that joy lies at a destination ahead.
I will be happy…
… when I finish school
… when I get a job
… when I’m married
… when I buy a bigger house
…when I get a better job
… when the kids are older
… when I retire
R.I.P.
Instead of focusing on the destination, we should focus on the journey. Find a way to enjoy almost every moment of it.
🦥 Motivation is temporary.
Motivation doesn’t last and there’s a biological explanation for it. We prefer goal setting above acting on it
Our dopamine level is high every time we set a goal and when we come close to it. In the period between, the dopamine level is very low. So, naturally, you’ll feel less motivated.
⏳ Waiting to act
Resolutions are almost always set in the future. I will start January the first, next Monday, the first day of the next month, … It creates black-and-white thinking. Have you ever thought something like
I’m now going all the way because next Monday I’ll be on a diet
Today I won’t do anything, but from tomorrow I’ll start working out
…
Pro tip: you don’t have to wait till next Monday or January the 1st to change your life!
🌱 How to successfully change your life instead
Do you want to change something in yourself? Decide how you would want to be different and work towards this new identity by creating new micro habits.
These tiny habits can seem ridiculous i
n the short term, but in the long term they really add up. If you are 1% better every day, you will be more than 30 times better by the end of the year. On the other hand, if you have consistent bad habits, you will be almost 100% worse by the end of the year.
Most people just think about the outcome rather than the process behind it. F.e. I want to be skinny, so I go on a diet. By setting just a target, you don’t change the underlying beliefs. That means it’s doomed to fail.
“Habits are the path to identity. The most practical way to change who you are is to change what you do.”
from Atomic Habits by James Clear
Want to make really a difference in 2023? Start working on micro-habits:
instead of reading 20 books by the end of the year, start reading every day before sleep
instead of setting a goal to lose 7kg, switch to intuitive eating
instead of targetting to work less, make it a habit to check in daily on your productivity model
…
These small habits make sure you don’t rely only on motivation. They make sure you change your identity
every time you write, you are a writer
every time you run, you are a runner
every time you make a conscious decision about what you’ll eat, you are a healthy person
…
Every time you prove yourself with small wins, you convince yourself that you are the type of person you want to be. These small steps are the most important things if you want a change in your life.
😍 My Favorite Things of last week
📝 post: This brutal truth about the Christmas Holidays
❄ Wim Hoff Method: I finished the year with some voluntary discomfort! On the last day of the year, I joined some friends who are practising the Wim Hoff Method. We took a dip in the Blaarmeersen lake (Ghent) with a water temperature of about 6-8 degrees C. They usually set a timer for 5 min., but for me 2x 30 seconds was sufficient!
🧙♂️ A Forbidden Forest Experience: I visited the Harry Potter Forbidden Forest pop-up in Brussels. We went after 9 pm, so it was quite calm. For people who expect lots of special effects, it might be a disappointment. For me personally, it was worth it. I really enjoyed the magical experience!
📚 The Pathless Path by Paul Millerd: I listened to a podcast about Paul and his book. It’s mainly about imagining a new story for work and life. He touches on some very interesting topics such as the cost of life fulfilment, the excitement of uncertainty and a simple but effective 3 step framework for figuring out your path.
🗨 Quote of the week
Always find time for the things that makes you feel happy to be alive
✏Visual of the week
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One last thing…
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